Ever find yourself in a conversation — with a friend, your partner, or even your adult child — where things start to feel tense or misunderstood?

You’re sharing something vulnerable, and suddenly they jump in with advice you didn’t ask for. Or maybe you just needed a hug, but they hit you with a lecture. It’s frustrating. For both of you.

Here’s a simple but powerful communication tool that can shift everything:

Ask (or say): "Do you want to be held, heard, or helped?"

It might sound small, but this one question can radically improve your relationships.

Let’s break it down:

HELD: You need emotional support. Comfort. Reassurance. Not words — just presence. A hug. A soft place to land.

HEARD: You need space to vent or process. You’re not looking for solutions — you just want someone to listen without fixing.

HELPED: You actually want advice, feedback, or practical ideas for what to do next.

Too often, we assume the people in our lives want the same kind of support we’d want. But we’re not mind readers — and that mismatch can create unnecessary conflict.

How this helps in all relationships:

• With a partner: Avoid those moments where one of you is trying to fix something when the other just wants a hug.
• With friends: Learn how to show up for each other in ways that feel good and safe.
• With adult children: Build more respectful, connected conversations by clarifying needs first.

And it goes both ways — you can ask this question, or answer it when you need support:

"I don’t need advice right now — I just want to be heard."

"I feel overwhelmed — can you help me think through what to do?"

This simple question builds connection, reduces frustration, and teaches people how to love each other better.

And if you’ve been struggling in your relationships — feeling misunderstood, disconnected, or unsure how to communicate your needs — this is exactly the kind of work we do together in coaching.

You can book a 1:1 coaching session to talk through what’s going on in your relationships, or — if you're ready for deeper growth — this is just a taste of what we cover in the Relationships Module of The Midlife Roadmap.

Curious about how this could help you? Let’s chat.

The Midlife Roadmap beta group starts May 19. Half-price. 10 weeks. Real support.

Contact me here. Let's get going - building a life you love!