Anxiety has a way of creeping in, especially in midlife. You may be fine one moment, and then suddenly, an upcoming event, an uncertain future, or a difficult conversation sends your thoughts spiraling. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

I never really experienced what most people would call anxiety—until I turned 50. Suddenly, small things felt overwhelming. I didn’t understand why, until I learned that hormonal changes can play a major role in anxiety symptoms. Even now, when my hormones get out of balance, I notice that my anxiety flares up more than usual.

Looking back, I realize I had experienced anxiety for years, but I pushed it aside and stayed busy to cope. Eventually, that strategy caught up with me. I had to find a new way—one that actually worked.

The Truth About Anxiety

The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure. For many midlife women, anxiety can show up in new ways, even if it wasn’t a struggle before.

One common form of anxiety is anticipatory anxiety—the worry that creeps in before an event, decision, or change. It could be an upcoming doctor’s appointment, a hard conversation, or just the uncertainty of the future. Left unchecked, this kind of anxiety can take over, leaving you feeling stuck and overwhelmed.

Why Avoiding Anxiety Makes It Worse

We all have different ways of dealing with anxiety, and many of them are unhealthy. Some people turn to food, alcohol, or excessive TV watching. Others check out through overworking or sleeping too much. For years, I just stayed busy—always moving, always doing—so I wouldn’t have to feel the discomfort of anxiety. But the thing is, avoiding anxiety doesn’t make it go away. It makes it worse.

Lately, anticipatory anxiety has become greater for me. I tried taking care of myself and using all of my usual tools for anxiety, but still found myself feeling helpless. Eating more carbs wasn't the answer either! The struggle actually led me to develop a strategy that I'm calling Action Tames Anxiety.

The "Action Tames Anxiety" Strategy

While action doesn’t erase anxiety, it shifts the focus, builds confidence, and brings clarity—all of which help reduce anxious feelings. Here’s how it works:

1. Ask: Is this a real or perceived threat?

Not everything we worry about is an actual threat. Sometimes, our minds create worst-case scenarios that never come true. By identifying whether your anxiety is based on reality or fear, you take the first step in regaining control. Let’s face it, sometimes it’s a real threat. When it is, I try to envision myself in that situation and I usually see that even though I wouldn’t want it to happen, I would be able to handle it. Going there actually empowers me. 

2. Ask: What is mine to do?

Anxiety thrives when we feel powerless. Instead of letting it spiral, ask yourself, What part of this situation is within my control? Focusing on what you can do shifts your mindset and prevents you from feeling stuck.

3. Choose one small action to take.

Taking action doesn’t mean solving everything at once. It means doing one thing to move forward. Here are a few examples:

• Anticipating a hard conversation? Write down the main points you want to communicate. Every time you worry about it, remind yourself that you have a plan.
• Anxious about an upcoming retirement? Make a list of things you’re excited about. Then, take one step toward creating a fulfilling next chapter—whether that’s exploring new passions or connecting with a community. Sign up for a class, check out volunteer opportunities, or schedule a trip. Having something to look forward to will help. 
• Feeling overwhelmed about the future? Focus on what’s within your reach. If finances are a concern, create a plan to manage your budget. If social connections are lacking, schedule a coffee date with a friend. Small steps add up.

4. When anxiety creeps back in, return to your tools.

Even after taking action, anxiety might return. That’s normal. Instead of giving in to it, lean on your tools—exercise, journaling, deep breathing, therapy, meditation, prayer, or talking to a trusted friend. Then, take another action.

My Personal Experience With This Approach

When I started feeling anxiety about the direction of our country’s leadership, my usual tools weren’t enough. I asked myself, What is mine to do? I realized I couldn’t control everything, but I could focus on the people I can help. So, I made a list of those within my reach and started reaching out—whether through a text, a call, or a handwritten note. Of course, I found a few other action steps that I can take and it's helping me stay focused,

Every time I feel the anxiety creeping back in, I return to my tools, then take another small action. And you know what? It's working.

Final Thoughts

Anxiety doesn’t have to control you. By taking intentional action, you can lessen its grip and move forward with confidence. Next time you feel anxiety creeping in, ask yourself: ✅ Is this a real or perceived threat? ✅ What is mine to do? ✅ What is one small action I can take?

I’d love to hear—how do you handle anxiety when it shows up? Drop a comment below or share your experience with me!