Navigating the Holidays With Adult Children

The Holidays Used to be Simple
For many of us, the holidays used to be predictable—a time of familiar traditions and gatherings with family. But as life changes and children grow into young adults, the holidays can start to look very different.

The Challenge of Change
For me, one of the hardest adjustments to the holidays has been navigating the shifts that came with divorce, selling the family home, and blending families with my partner. Several years ago I tried to create a seamless holiday. I had high expectations and planned everything down to the smallest detail, but I didn’t fully anticipate the grief we would all feel as we adjusted to these changes.

To make matters harder, I neglected self-care during that busy season. By the time the holidays arrived, I was exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed. A winter storm added to the chaos when one of my kids got stranded in Denver, unable to make it home. It was a tough year that taught me a valuable lesson: the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.

A New Perspective
In the years since, I’ve shifted my focus. Instead of trying to recreate the past, I now look for ways to embrace the moments I do have with my kids—whenever they happen. One year, I rented a house for a special weekend with my kids and my mom. We did this in early December because it wasn't going to be possible for everyone to come together on Christmas Day. While it wasn’t the traditional holiday I was used to, it became a treasured memory.

I’ve also come to appreciate one-on-one time with my kids. While big gatherings are wonderful, these quieter moments create meaningful connections that I value just as much.

Making It Work This Year
This year, our holiday celebrations are spread out, and that’s okay. My oldest visited before Thanksgiving, we shared a lovely meal with one of my partner’s daughters on Sunday, and my other two came home over Thanksgiving weekend. For Christmas, only one of our kids will be home, and we’ll celebrate together on Christmas Day.

The key is focusing on what truly matters: spending quality time together, sharing laughter, and creating new memories.

Advice for Navigating the Holidays
If you’re in a similar season of life, here are a few tips I’ve learned:

1️⃣ Manage Expectations

• Be flexible about when and how you celebrate. Different days, new traditions—it all counts!

2️⃣ Let Them Be

• College kids might want to hang out with friends, sleep, or just crash in their room. Give them space to recharge.

3️⃣ Focus on Who Is With You

• If some kids can’t be with you, make the most of time with those who are. It’s okay to miss the ones who aren’t there while fully enjoying the company of those who are.

4️⃣ Start a New Tradition

• Life changes, and you can too! If you are alone, reach out to a neighbor or look for a place to volunteer. If you’re sharing your kids with their in-laws, start a new tradition like a Christmas morning walk or a drive to see lights.It might just become your new favorite tradition.Speaking of in -laws…..be positive and encourage your kid to embrace that family. 

5️⃣ Avoid the Guilt Trip

• There’s nothing worse than making your kids feel pressured or guilty. Instead, focus on making the time you do have together special.

6️⃣ Self-Care Matters

• Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. 

While the holidays may look different than they once did, they can still be a time of connection and joy.

Are the holidays feeling different this year? As your kids grow up and traditions evolve, it can be hard to find balance and keep the season meaningful. My free Holiday Survival Guide is here to help you embrace the changes, prioritize yourself, and create special moments no matter what this season looks like.

Click here to grab your free guide!