Wintering: Embracing Purposeful Rest in Midlife

Wintering: Embracing Purposeful Rest in Midlife

Midlife can feel like an uncharted season, a time when life's transitions—empty nests, career shifts, or unexpected changes—can leave us feeling uncertain. I feel like we either "spin" in a flurry of activity, trying to make something happen, or we end up sitting on the couch, totally unmotivated. I've realized that the winter season, both literal and metaphorical, offers a unique opportunity to pause, reflect, and embrace rest with intention.

I recently shared why I wait until spring to set goals for my New Year.  I'm learning that when I use the slower months to rest and reflect, I'm better prepared by Spring to know what I want, and more I'm more energized to set some goals. It's been a game changer for me!

One thing you’ll learn about me is that I love to learn! In typical “Lisa fashion,” I ordered a book titled Wintering: The Power of Rest & Retreat in Difficult Times. The funny thing is, I bought it because I thought it would give me some tips for my newfound practice of "wintering." What I didn’t realize is that the author, Katherine May, uses "wintering" as a metaphor for the difficult, transitional periods in life when we feel out of sync, overwhelmed, or lost. Sounds a bit like what midlife can feel like, huh?

I decided to listen to the book on Audible, and I’m so glad I did! It’s narrated by Rebecca Lee, who speaks with a British accent and brings May’s writings to life. I’m loving it!

May redefines the challenging times we face not as failures but as natural and necessary parts of the human experience, much like the natural cycle of seasons. Just as winter is a time for nature to slow down, rest, and regenerate, "wintering" represents the times in our lives when we need to retreat, reflect, and nurture ourselves. I am reminded of people who lose a spouse and feel pressured by friends to "move on" quickly. Often, this encouragement is more about helping the friend feel "better" than supporting the widow as she takes the time she needs to "winter". 

I’ve been reminded of my own wintering season following my divorce. It certainly helped that the COVID pandemic was ruling the world, and although I was counseling 40+ hours a week, I found myself sitting at home wondering, “What’s next?” The state of lockdown provided a lot of quiet, and I quickly grew tired of unproductive rest like spending way too much time watching Netflix. Without even knowing it, in that season I learned how to rest purposefully. Instead of jumping right into the dating world or making a sudden change, I spent time with friends, reflected on my life, and started to dream again. I learned that I actually love the outdoors and picked up new hobbies. It was a difficult season of grief as I realized that the life I had planned was not going to be, but it was a crucial time—sort of like building the foundation for my future.

Katherine May’s book beautifully explores this idea, reminding us that rest is not about inactivity but about purposeful renewal. In midlife, learning to "winter" can become a powerful tool to recharge and rediscover who we are.

What Is Purposeful Rest?

Purposeful rest is different from simply taking a break. It’s about choosing activities that nurture and restore us, helping us feel more connected to ourselves. In midlife, this can look different for every woman:

• For the woman who feels stuck on the couch: Purposeful rest may mean stepping outside, taking a short drive, or enjoying a quiet moment on the porch with a cup of tea. This woman has no problem "chilling" but it's quite unproductive. 

• For the woman who is always busy: It might look like settling in with a favorite movie or reflecting on why she loves it so much. (When Harry Met Sally, anyone?). For these women, rest can feel lazy. 

The key is to find rest that feels restorative rather than aimless or draining.

Why Rest Feels Challenging in Midlife

Many of us grew up equating rest with laziness or guilt. In midlife, we may still carry those beliefs, feeling selfish or unproductive when we take time for ourselves. But just as winter prepares the earth for spring, rest prepares us for growth and renewal.

Ask yourself: “Is it true that I don’t have time to rest? Or that I’m selfish for wanting it?” Often, these beliefs are rooted in lies we’ve absorbed over time. Purposeful rest helps us challenge these narratives and reclaim the balance we need.

When I’m working with a client who is suddenly faced with a transition, I always encourage them to spend time resting and reflecting before they jump to making big decisions. I serve as a guide, helping them create a roadmap for the life they want. As overwhelming or lonely as midlife can feel, it really can be a time where you finally get to choose yourself and determine the life you want. The key is to take the time.

Practical Ideas/Reflection Starters for Purposeful Rest

Here are a few ways to embrace wintering and purposeful rest in your midlife season:

• Take a slow walk without a destination in mind. Leave your headphones at home and just be.

• Revisit a favorite book or movie. Ask yourself why you love it.

• Create a cozy space in your home to reflect, journal, or simply breathe. I think you should always light a candle!

• Think back to the last time you were really happy. Who were you with, and what were you doing?

• Allow yourself time to dream about the life you want moving forward.

Start with Reflection

To help you begin your journey of purposeful rest, download my Midlife Balance Wheel Guide. This tool is designed to help you assess areas of your life that may feel out of balance and guide you toward intentional actions for renewal. It’s the one tool that helped me figure out where to start.

Midlife is a season for growth, and purposeful rest is an essential part of that process. By taking the time to pause and reflect this winter, you’ll be better equipped to bloom in the seasons ahead.

If you need a guide through the process, remember that I offer a free 15-minute consultation. Contact me, and we’ll chat about your next steps!

This month in my free Facebook group, Midlife With Purpose, we’ll be talking about wintering, and I’ll provide 20-minute teachings that will help you go deeper. You can join here.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to comment or reply to this email.